It's always the same pattern.
I will keep my good resolutions as long as I keep my sanity.
Then, after hyperventilating (I'm VERY bad at dealing with stress) I will always end up at the same place : right in front of the snacks cupboard.
It's not that I'm particularly hungry, it's not that I particularly want a snack, it's just that it's an awful habit that I can't seem to get rid of.
As far as I can remember, it was always an automatism : setback, stress, snack.
It always seemed that chocolate was magically easing the stress away but now, if I wanna be really honest, it just acts as a very brief distraction before the stress creeps back, doubled with a terrible sense of guilt and self-loathing.
What ? Who said that those symptoms are not that unlike an addict's ones ?
Is it you voice in my head ?
I need a chocolate bar to get over this.
Ugh.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
In dire necessity of blinders.
In should come as no surprise seeing the ever expanding number of obese people, but it's particularly noticeable when you're trying to watch what you eat : food is everywhere.
This is probably the hunger talking, but I'm really starting to feel like the victim of the conspiracy.
Yesterday, it came to me in the form of yummy recipes in the TV program - yes, you stupid little cheese puff pastry things that made my yummy & healthy pineapple slices seem so...flavorless.
This morning, it was the advertising for the new Burger King breakfast special that appeared on the corner of my favorite gossip website.
* by the way, who are we kidding there, as if any of the people featured on that site would ever eat that !*
It reminded me of a great article I read lately about a journalist eating only what she saw in ads for a week -the results were mind-boggling (yes, it takes as little as one week of only junk food to fuck you up) .
While it's not like I'm gonna rush out the door to my nearest Mc Donald's after seeing an ad for their new burger, it certainly doesn't make it easy.
Isn't it enough that I have to cut junk food, will I also have to cut the TV and the internet in order to attain my goal ?
This is probably the hunger talking, but I'm really starting to feel like the victim of the conspiracy.
Yesterday, it came to me in the form of yummy recipes in the TV program - yes, you stupid little cheese puff pastry things that made my yummy & healthy pineapple slices seem so...flavorless.
This morning, it was the advertising for the new Burger King breakfast special that appeared on the corner of my favorite gossip website.
* by the way, who are we kidding there, as if any of the people featured on that site would ever eat that !*
It reminded me of a great article I read lately about a journalist eating only what she saw in ads for a week -the results were mind-boggling (yes, it takes as little as one week of only junk food to fuck you up) .
While it's not like I'm gonna rush out the door to my nearest Mc Donald's after seeing an ad for their new burger, it certainly doesn't make it easy.
Isn't it enough that I have to cut junk food, will I also have to cut the TV and the internet in order to attain my goal ?
So THAT'S the skinny girl's secret to looking good on the beach !
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The aftermath.
Before the stomach flu leaves me (and this blog) for good, it made sure to give me an unexpected parting gift : HUNGER.
Who would have thought that the first thing I'd wanna do after being sick is to make up for all the lost calories? Not me !
So here I am, lurking around the house, looking as classy as ever with green skin and greasy hair (bless my Sweet Boyfriend for still cuddling with me), trying to do anything but eat.
So far, I've succeeded, but if every magazine I pick up keeps on tempting me with yummy recipes (come ON, recipes in the TV program?Really?), God only knows what will happen...
Who would have thought that the first thing I'd wanna do after being sick is to make up for all the lost calories? Not me !
So here I am, lurking around the house, looking as classy as ever with green skin and greasy hair (bless my Sweet Boyfriend for still cuddling with me), trying to do anything but eat.
 |
| picture from a blessed afternoon of cupcakes with the Sweet Boyfriend |
So far, I've succeeded, but if every magazine I pick up keeps on tempting me with yummy recipes (come ON, recipes in the TV program?Really?), God only knows what will happen...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Sickly thin.
It all started two days ago.
I woke up to the sound of my brother puking his guts (a sound that would accompany us throughout the day, poor brother).
It seemed that the stomach flu had decided to come early this year and here he was, the first victim in our household.
I was miraculously spared for two days until I woke up this morning with annoying cramps.
Since I'm trying to lose weight, I dismissed them as "hunger cramps", but they persisted.
Now my body is aching all over and my dad (a GP) hit the last nail by commenting on how pale I am.
The stomach flu got me too.
Am I crazy for being happy about it?
When you think about it (and when you don't think about the gross side effects), what better way to kick-start a diet than by spending two days in bed unable to eat ?
...right ?
*edit : after more than a day of crazy stomach cramps and a complete "cleanse" -hum- I can tell you one thing : as soon as I get my strength back, I'm going to punch the jackass that wrote "yay stomach flu" yesterday.
Ugh.
I woke up to the sound of my brother puking his guts (a sound that would accompany us throughout the day, poor brother).
It seemed that the stomach flu had decided to come early this year and here he was, the first victim in our household.
I was miraculously spared for two days until I woke up this morning with annoying cramps.
Since I'm trying to lose weight, I dismissed them as "hunger cramps", but they persisted.
Now my body is aching all over and my dad (a GP) hit the last nail by commenting on how pale I am.
The stomach flu got me too.
Am I crazy for being happy about it?
When you think about it (and when you don't think about the gross side effects), what better way to kick-start a diet than by spending two days in bed unable to eat ?
...right ?
*edit : after more than a day of crazy stomach cramps and a complete "cleanse" -hum- I can tell you one thing : as soon as I get my strength back, I'm going to punch the jackass that wrote "yay stomach flu" yesterday.
Ugh.
New Year, New Me -fingers crossed !
Soo, new year uh.
What better time to make resolutions right ?
While I'm certainly not the only one, and while it's certainly not my first time, I am hoping that 2011 is the year I finally feel good in my skin.
If you ask my nutritionist dad, all that really matters is to have a healthy BMI -which I have, almost.But if you ask 21 year old me, what also matters very much is to be able to wear short skirts and shorts without having thighs that look like cottage cheese.
It's to be able to pick a cute bikini without having to search super long for one to fit my ginormous boobies, uh uh, just pick one because it's pretty and wear it without a care on the world because you're pretty.While the rock-lover in me sadly understood a while ago that the sexy-groupie-kate-moss-body-type will never be mine, I can still work towards being one of those healthy toned girls.
Anyways, who likes a flat bony girl right ? :)
So here I am.
It's time that I find comfort in other things that in food and that I am finally able to let go of all my issues with it.
This summer, there's no way on earth that I have to rock long pants again at friggin' hot music festivals just because my legs are (way) thicker than my boyfriend's.
I hope some of you will find this journal and ride this roller coaster with me, because while I'm super motivated I'm also still too ashamed to come clean about my food issues with my girlfriends..
Anyways, DAY ONE !
To kick start this whole new year new me thing, I thought I'd do a liquid diet for a day, to get rid of the bloated feeling that's been pursuing me since the NY's eve all-you-can-eat sushi and the NY's day sauerkraut (family tradition).
Let's get juicing !
What better time to make resolutions right ?
While I'm certainly not the only one, and while it's certainly not my first time, I am hoping that 2011 is the year I finally feel good in my skin.
If you ask my nutritionist dad, all that really matters is to have a healthy BMI -which I have, almost.But if you ask 21 year old me, what also matters very much is to be able to wear short skirts and shorts without having thighs that look like cottage cheese.
It's to be able to pick a cute bikini without having to search super long for one to fit my ginormous boobies, uh uh, just pick one because it's pretty and wear it without a care on the world because you're pretty.While the rock-lover in me sadly understood a while ago that the sexy-groupie-kate-moss-body-type will never be mine, I can still work towards being one of those healthy toned girls.
Anyways, who likes a flat bony girl right ? :)
So here I am.
It's time that I find comfort in other things that in food and that I am finally able to let go of all my issues with it.
This summer, there's no way on earth that I have to rock long pants again at friggin' hot music festivals just because my legs are (way) thicker than my boyfriend's.
I hope some of you will find this journal and ride this roller coaster with me, because while I'm super motivated I'm also still too ashamed to come clean about my food issues with my girlfriends..
Anyways, DAY ONE !
To kick start this whole new year new me thing, I thought I'd do a liquid diet for a day, to get rid of the bloated feeling that's been pursuing me since the NY's eve all-you-can-eat sushi and the NY's day sauerkraut (family tradition).
Let's get juicing !
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